Mom's first day of kindergarten

I took my oldest to kindergarten today.  Kindergarten.  How did that happen?  How did the last 5 and a half years fly by so quickly?  You have no idea how many times I have looked forward to this day.  The day that I could send her off to school for someone else to deal with.  The day that I would have one less child to care for, and more time for me.  The day that she would be more independent and wouldn't need me so much.  (Yes, I can be selfish.  Judge away.)

That day has arrived.  And it certainly wasn't as glorious as I had imagined all those years.  She was excited and more than ready.  But that's why it was so hard; she doesn't need me as much anymore.  For years so much of who I am has been defined by the title of "mom."  When she came into our lives over 5 years ago, life changed dramatically and she has come first ever since.  And now that's who I am.  I am her mom.  As she rode her bike ahead of us going to school, I was struck by her independence, by her leaving me.  At school as she stood in line to go to class and smiled and laughed with friends, she was happy to be there without me.

She will spend 7 hours of her day there, 5 days a week.  She'll interact with kids who I don't know.  I won't be there if she falls.  I won't be there if someone says something mean to her.  She'll be influenced by things and people I have no control over.  My little girl will be away from her mommy.

But she'll make friends.  She'll learn.  She'll grow.  And she'll be fine. 
And so will I.